The Power of a Woman's Gaze

When you look at yourself in the mirror, what do you see? Do you look at yourself with curiosity, with judgment, or with gentle love? Through whose eyes do you observe your own being, and what do you want to see in your reflection, or how do you want it to feel deep inside?

Many questions, whose answers are found by pausing: by being compassionate towards oneself, and by honouring one's own body, mind and soul.

When I was a young woman in the 1990s, we lived in a completely different era compared to today's feminist empowerment.

But even today, polarisation and contemptuous attitudes towards others, towards everyone different from those inside one's own bubble, have grown explosively. Working groups are formed and doctoral dissertations written to explain why violence against women in all its forms has increased, and on the other hand why some women long for so-called traditional family values, in which the man is the unquestionable head of the household, the woman's role is to be pretty, quiet and to serve, receiving in return her upkeep and a home.

The gaze defines both the external and the internal.

By external I mean the physical self, society, and the experience of belonging or not belonging, starting from the smallest communities. By internal I mean one's own self-image, self-worth, and one's own personality. I think these two gazes become entwined as we grow from youth into adulthood, and correspondingly begin to separate as we age.

At least that is how it has gone for me.

Let me explain: when young and uncertain, it is very easy to let the external world and other people define one's existence, one's significance, and even one's appearance, depending on what one wants or strives towards, and especially when one has no idea at all about one's own goals. Often as a young person one enjoys the admiration and appreciation of others, using it to prop up one's own insecurity. Rarely does one question the deeper intentions of the admirer, whether the situation involves working life, studies or everyday life, because every compliment and encouragement makes you act according to the wishes of the one who gives it, because that is how you feel accepted.

As one grows into adulthood, and unfortunately as disappointments temper us, one learns to better distinguish the genuine from the false. Above all, one begins to become oneself and to look at oneself more from one's own starting point. I know, generalisations are dangerous, and I am now reflecting a great deal on my own life as well, which can probably be generalised nonetheless. Allow a little irony in this age of individualism. And as one begins to approach middle age and old age, the gaze turns concretely from the world inward: towards oneself, towards one's own spirituality and existence. I do not mean this in the narcissistic sense of navel-gazing.

This is the gaze I am now reaching for in my work.

I have painted many oil paintings on wood, but in many of the works there has always been something that felt at odds with what I want to say. I am not searching for beauty or ugliness, I am searching for the truth of life. That gaze, when I look at myself as an ageing woman directly in the eyes in the mirror and think: everything I have experienced in my life has been valuable in its own way, from everything I have learned something, and everything has something to tell, and it is all reflected in my own gaze.

I look at myself with gentleness and with respect. You do the same!

Enjoy the beginning of summer, be well, Hanna ❤️